I wasn’t going to publish this. These are my private thoughts, written in my journal this morning, January 27th, 2026, well before dawn. But this is who I truly am. Our ancestors upheld the sacred always; it was woven into every aspect of life. Try as we might, we can never completely fragment our “personal” selves from our “working” selves. Nor should we: work serves life, not the other way around. —JS
Life has me awake at 3AM. Again.
I’m on my balcony overlooking Ocean Park beach and the Atlantic, surrounded by the tops of stately palm trees. Waves crash in the distance. The cloudless January sky is filled with stars.
A single candle burns on my table next to my journal and pen.
“Tender” by Otto A. Totland softly plays on my playlist.
Only a privileged few are selected for the early mornings. The world dreams around us as we sit in the stillness, watching and listening.
Now I notice Goldmund’s “Sometimes” playing. I set down my pen. I’m paying attention now.
David Tolk’s “Pray” is next, and I’m reminded to pray. My prayer has no words, just a deep connection to the crashing waves, the critters of the night, the soft piano and the candlelight.
Now I’m overcome with gratitude, giving thanks to my Creator, to life, and all of creation!
I’m crying now. Life! Miracle of miracles!
Then…
She is here.
The sobs overtake me.
I love you so much. I miss you so much. How I want to know you!
Only love matters. But why do we turn away? Anger. Fear. Loss. Lies.
Especially lies.
And now, all my life and work is a response to the turning away.
“Turn Away and Return” now plays. Hammock.